Thanks for responding ❤

I have so many thoughts when I read your response, because it’s almost as if you’re on the other “side” of the situation, since you’ve been the ghoster rather than the ghosted. But I also want to quickly add that that’s not a fair characterisation of who you are, that we all have probably, in our different ways, ghosted someone in our lives. I write the following not as a critique of what you’ve done, not to give advice (because everyone is biased by their own experiences), but to offer you a perspective that might hopefully help you in your own process of healing and recovery.

I think it’s great that you’re examining your own actions to figure out why you decided to ghost your friends. I think “trauma” is a perfectly legitimate way to describe it. I hope that after you’ve explored your past and gained some clarity, that it goes towards preventing you from attempting to ghost someone again. To me (subjectively), that’s one of the best ways to emerge out of your traumatic experience.

Different people react differently to being ghosted. Some people manage to shrug it off. Some react with hate and anger. Others react with an outpouring of love. I want to emphasise, though, that these are different reactions, yes, but they are all reactions to pain. Ghosting always hurts. Just because someone manages to sleep it off doesn’t mean they weren’t hurt. This might be a tough pill to swallow, or perhaps you’re already keenly and painfully aware of this. I want to note that I’m not blaming you, and I’m not imposing a moral judgement on what you’ve done. I’m just trying to offer you whatever I can, as someone who’ve been ghosted.

My reaction? What I really want to do, now that I’ve been in contact with some people who knew John and were similarly ghosted by him? I just really want to hug John tightly, because I think that John probably hurt himself every time he ghosted someone. And I want to slap him, because I want him to know that it’s really a silly “solution” to whatever problem he was facing. (But of course, it’s such a human thing to choose silly solutions.)

I know that people ghost for different reasons, too. I hope that when you’ve finished writing your process, you’d post it on Medium so that people can understand your point of view. I’d want to learn about your perspective.

When you’re ready, I’d encourage you to reach out to the people you’ve ghosted. Like I mentioned above, some of your friends might respond with hatred. But some might respond with understanding and love. If you decide to publish your experiences, it might be a good idea to link to your post, so your friends can get the full picture and understand what you were going through back in 2016. I can tell you from my experience that being ghosted with only a half-apology and without proper explanations really messed up my mind, because I don’t have a sense of closure. (Again, this is how I personally reacted to being ghosted.) So, I’d encourage you to reach out to your friends, not in the hope of restarting your friendships (although that would certainly be a good development), but mainly to give yourself and your friends a sense of closure. Take it from me: full disclosure really helps.

I sincerely hope what I’ve written has helped you in some small way. Sending you lots of love ❤